Climbing Out Of The Muck
March 21, 2020
I’m sitting here in the middle of the night listening to one of my favorite worship leaders, Kari Jobe. Her album, The Garden is really a wonderful collection of songs about hope and praising the Lord through difficult and challenging situations. I’ve got it playing on repeat while I work on some things.
You may or may not know this; I’m struggling right now. The entire world is struggling. It is a time in our history that will forever be remembered. Remembered for many things for many people. It is called a pandemic. Weird word, right? It means a disease that is all over the world. Not just a country but the world! One minute we were all living our lives at 90 miles an hour and then BOOM, we are stopped in our tracks…
At the beginning of 2020, I was excited to see where the year took us. I had visions of getting the rest of our debt paid off and other plans put in motion. Then I had a couple of children drop out of our preschool without notice and our income dropped quite a bit. I kept a positive mindset and pressed on. I kept working on my preschool and my program. I updated my entire website and did a TON of training. I made more improvements to my setup. I even had a beautiful logo created for my school and ordered new business cards. I decided to go through ALL of my resources to get them in better order so that I could use them more efficiently. I’m preparing to do some video tours of my preschool so I can get our preschool name out there and fill out spots and keep them filled. I’m being as proactive as I am able.
The deal with ME cleaning and organizing, it usually means more than just one little area at a time. You see, when I clean one area I tend to need a different spot for something because I MOVE one thing to put other things in its place because, after all, it will work so much better that way. Please tell me I am not the only one that has that issue? We’ve lived in this house for 22 years and we’ve been married for 37 so we have a LOT of STUFF. I’m so tired of stuff. I’m downsizing as I am able. But I’m also half “pack rat” and though I try my hardest to get away from that, it is a challenge I have yet to accomplish. I am getting better, just not completely. YET!
I’m not the only one cleaning out and trying to get things working better. My husband went up in the attic a couple of weeks ago and started throwing everything out of it. Granted, MOST were empty boxes, the entire attic was FULL of them! Some were probably 20 years old. I tend to save boxes from things we buy in case we need to return something. From now on I need to put a date on them and once that date passes we can toss it. Our garage is a place that everything gets tossed. He started putting things in the attic that could go up there and we both worked on the garage so that he could have more room for a bigger trailer for his lawn business. He’s working hard to grow his lawn business. But this rain has been hard on that business the last month or so, especially this week.
In the midst of all of this, the public schools across America shut down, then other things shut down. We were told to practice social distancing. We started doing church via live stream. Everything got canceled for the next couple of months. The questions began. Will I have to shut down my preschool? Will we all get sick and have to close? What will happen to my already small income? How will I pay my bills? How will I buy groceries.
THEN the biggest question came…How will we find toilet paper?! Seriously, I can’t find any in stores. Every time we go, it’s gone. My monthly subscribe and save has said my March shipment won’t arrive until May 1. Ummmm, that is NOT going to work for me. But no, that really isn’t the biggest question. I just wanted to lighten things up a bit. I was getting a bit too down in the muck of despair that can come from such uncertain times.
Okay, back to my story. When I clean out things…let’s just say I create a disaster before the masterpiece. I took out ALL of my resources that I hadn’t gone through yet and put them IN the den. After over 20 years of homeschooling and teaching, I have gathered a LOT of resources. My den has been a disaster all week. I feel I’m hardly making progress but I suppose I’ve made quite a bit, comparatively. Maybe that is what WE look like to the Lord, a disaster. NO, I think He must SEE the masterpiece once we become a follower of the Jesus Way. I know when I am done cleaning it will look amazing and it will give me peace as I walk through my home. I love walking through my home when I have completed a big project and things look nice with everything in its place. But the clutter and the mess paralyze me. I get stuck in that muck. If the job is too big I can become discouraged and not know what to do.
I had to break it down and start with one section, a table. Then pick a type of resource and get them together. If I look ONLY at the shelves and cabinets that I cleaned everything out, I can SEE the progress and how nice it will be. When I turn around and see everything I still must find a place for…I start sinking again. I MUST get this finished this weekend. I’ve had some help with a good chunk of it. Things moved so quickly then. But everyone has their own things to do and during the week it is far too busy. That is why I have to finish. I have to get my video tour done so I can be ready when things get back to normal. So I can fill up my preschool quickly.
I don’t know about you…but sometimes…I feel all alone in my struggles and my fears. I feel like no one really understands the pressure I am under to make it all work and keep it all going for everyone. It can be physically draining. I have NO IDEA if I’ll even be able to get my preschool going like I want it to. It’s been losing kids for awhile and not getting new ones. That question keep coming up, will I stay open or will I close. Or can I find a backer and find a place to open a school in a building? Or can I find a new house that has a building on the property for my preschool? Or will I have to close completely? What will I do if that happens? How will I pay the bills? How will I keep my van? The questions just keep coming! I’ve been stress eating like crazy the past few weeks and this week it has gotten worse. I have to make a plan of action to stop that right here, right now. Even though I feel alone and feel doubt about the future, even then, I need to remember…
Even when I feel alone, I never am. My LORD is ALWAYS with me. I may not have a clue what tomorrow brings. I may not be able to see how things can possibly get fixed quick enough. I may not understand the difficulties I face every single day. But HE does.
Let me say that again.
HE does. He knows my yesterday, my today and my tomorrow. He knows my struggles and my pain. He knows my joys and my victories. He knows. He knows where I will end up. He knows the way I should go and the way I should avoid. He knows. And no one loves me more than HE does. No one wants the very best for me like HE does.
Others may let me down and walk away. Others may not be there for me when I need someone. Others may have their own struggles that make it difficult for them to see mine. But…
HE is here. HE is ready to listen to every single thing I feel and think. HE can handle every bit of it; my despair, my anger, my confusion, my sadness, my pain, my loneliness, my joy, my happiness, my excitement…I take it all to HIM. I cry out to HIM and HE picks me up and holds me close. HE reminds me of the good things He has given me. HE reminds me how through every high and every low, HE has been there to provide just what I needed.
HE gives me a hope in things not of this world. HE reminds me this is not my home. That HE has gone to prepare a place for me and will return for me one day. So I get back up and I move forward. I do the things I feel HE wants me to do. I do my best to be a light for others to lead them to HIM. I stumble and I fall. HE picks me up out of the muck, sets me back on my feet and I keep moving forward. Always towards the goal HE set before me. Listening for HIS voice and direction. Always.
Are you struggling right now? Are you letting the clutter of life trap you in the muck? Do you know my Jesus? Do you call out to HIM in times of trouble? He is the ONLY way I make it through each day. The ONLY WAY! I would not want to try to navigate this thing called life without Him. I know that no matter what tomorrow holds, HE is here with me walking along side me and carrying me when I can’t walk on my own. He is my strength for each new day.
**Picture is just a glimpse of the progress I have made. Those containers are going to have different “subjects in them; writing, numbers, reading, and I’m unsure of the fourth one. I will post pictures once I am done. Stay tuned.
I’m sitting here in the middle of the night listening to one of my favorite worship leaders, Kari Jobe. Her album, The Garden is really a wonderful collection of songs about hope and praising the Lord through difficult and challenging situations. I’ve got it playing on repeat while I work on some things.
You may or may not know this; I’m struggling right now. The entire world is struggling. It is a time in our history that will forever be remembered. Remembered for many things for many people. It is called a pandemic. Weird word, right? It means a disease that is all over the world. Not just a country but the world! One minute we were all living our lives at 90 miles an hour and then BOOM, we are stopped in our tracks…
At the beginning of 2020, I was excited to see where the year took us. I had visions of getting the rest of our debt paid off and other plans put in motion. Then I had a couple of children drop out of our preschool without notice and our income dropped quite a bit. I kept a positive mindset and pressed on. I kept working on my preschool and my program. I updated my entire website and did a TON of training. I made more improvements to my setup. I even had a beautiful logo created for my school and ordered new business cards. I decided to go through ALL of my resources to get them in better order so that I could use them more efficiently. I’m preparing to do some video tours of my preschool so I can get our preschool name out there and fill out spots and keep them filled. I’m being as proactive as I am able.
The deal with ME cleaning and organizing, it usually means more than just one little area at a time. You see, when I clean one area I tend to need a different spot for something because I MOVE one thing to put other things in its place because, after all, it will work so much better that way. Please tell me I am not the only one that has that issue? We’ve lived in this house for 22 years and we’ve been married for 37 so we have a LOT of STUFF. I’m so tired of stuff. I’m downsizing as I am able. But I’m also half “pack rat” and though I try my hardest to get away from that, it is a challenge I have yet to accomplish. I am getting better, just not completely. YET!
I’m not the only one cleaning out and trying to get things working better. My husband went up in the attic a couple of weeks ago and started throwing everything out of it. Granted, MOST were empty boxes, the entire attic was FULL of them! Some were probably 20 years old. I tend to save boxes from things we buy in case we need to return something. From now on I need to put a date on them and once that date passes we can toss it. Our garage is a place that everything gets tossed. He started putting things in the attic that could go up there and we both worked on the garage so that he could have more room for a bigger trailer for his lawn business. He’s working hard to grow his lawn business. But this rain has been hard on that business the last month or so, especially this week.
In the midst of all of this, the public schools across America shut down, then other things shut down. We were told to practice social distancing. We started doing church via live stream. Everything got canceled for the next couple of months. The questions began. Will I have to shut down my preschool? Will we all get sick and have to close? What will happen to my already small income? How will I pay my bills? How will I buy groceries.
THEN the biggest question came…How will we find toilet paper?! Seriously, I can’t find any in stores. Every time we go, it’s gone. My monthly subscribe and save has said my March shipment won’t arrive until May 1. Ummmm, that is NOT going to work for me. But no, that really isn’t the biggest question. I just wanted to lighten things up a bit. I was getting a bit too down in the muck of despair that can come from such uncertain times.
Okay, back to my story. When I clean out things…let’s just say I create a disaster before the masterpiece. I took out ALL of my resources that I hadn’t gone through yet and put them IN the den. After over 20 years of homeschooling and teaching, I have gathered a LOT of resources. My den has been a disaster all week. I feel I’m hardly making progress but I suppose I’ve made quite a bit, comparatively. Maybe that is what WE look like to the Lord, a disaster. NO, I think He must SEE the masterpiece once we become a follower of the Jesus Way. I know when I am done cleaning it will look amazing and it will give me peace as I walk through my home. I love walking through my home when I have completed a big project and things look nice with everything in its place. But the clutter and the mess paralyze me. I get stuck in that muck. If the job is too big I can become discouraged and not know what to do.
I had to break it down and start with one section, a table. Then pick a type of resource and get them together. If I look ONLY at the shelves and cabinets that I cleaned everything out, I can SEE the progress and how nice it will be. When I turn around and see everything I still must find a place for…I start sinking again. I MUST get this finished this weekend. I’ve had some help with a good chunk of it. Things moved so quickly then. But everyone has their own things to do and during the week it is far too busy. That is why I have to finish. I have to get my video tour done so I can be ready when things get back to normal. So I can fill up my preschool quickly.
I don’t know about you…but sometimes…I feel all alone in my struggles and my fears. I feel like no one really understands the pressure I am under to make it all work and keep it all going for everyone. It can be physically draining. I have NO IDEA if I’ll even be able to get my preschool going like I want it to. It’s been losing kids for awhile and not getting new ones. That question keep coming up, will I stay open or will I close. Or can I find a backer and find a place to open a school in a building? Or can I find a new house that has a building on the property for my preschool? Or will I have to close completely? What will I do if that happens? How will I pay the bills? How will I keep my van? The questions just keep coming! I’ve been stress eating like crazy the past few weeks and this week it has gotten worse. I have to make a plan of action to stop that right here, right now. Even though I feel alone and feel doubt about the future, even then, I need to remember…
Even when I feel alone, I never am. My LORD is ALWAYS with me. I may not have a clue what tomorrow brings. I may not be able to see how things can possibly get fixed quick enough. I may not understand the difficulties I face every single day. But HE does.
Let me say that again.
HE does. He knows my yesterday, my today and my tomorrow. He knows my struggles and my pain. He knows my joys and my victories. He knows. He knows where I will end up. He knows the way I should go and the way I should avoid. He knows. And no one loves me more than HE does. No one wants the very best for me like HE does.
Others may let me down and walk away. Others may not be there for me when I need someone. Others may have their own struggles that make it difficult for them to see mine. But…
HE is here. HE is ready to listen to every single thing I feel and think. HE can handle every bit of it; my despair, my anger, my confusion, my sadness, my pain, my loneliness, my joy, my happiness, my excitement…I take it all to HIM. I cry out to HIM and HE picks me up and holds me close. HE reminds me of the good things He has given me. HE reminds me how through every high and every low, HE has been there to provide just what I needed.
HE gives me a hope in things not of this world. HE reminds me this is not my home. That HE has gone to prepare a place for me and will return for me one day. So I get back up and I move forward. I do the things I feel HE wants me to do. I do my best to be a light for others to lead them to HIM. I stumble and I fall. HE picks me up out of the muck, sets me back on my feet and I keep moving forward. Always towards the goal HE set before me. Listening for HIS voice and direction. Always.
Are you struggling right now? Are you letting the clutter of life trap you in the muck? Do you know my Jesus? Do you call out to HIM in times of trouble? He is the ONLY way I make it through each day. The ONLY WAY! I would not want to try to navigate this thing called life without Him. I know that no matter what tomorrow holds, HE is here with me walking along side me and carrying me when I can’t walk on my own. He is my strength for each new day.
**Picture is just a glimpse of the progress I have made. Those containers are going to have different “subjects in them; writing, numbers, reading, and I’m unsure of the fourth one. I will post pictures once I am done. Stay tuned.
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