Intentionally Dating Your Spouse
April 2, 2019
After being married for thirty-six years, it’s EASY to fall into a rut and lose track of each other. We have been parents for thirty-two of those years and became grandparents almost five years ago. To say that our lives are full to over flowing would put it quite mildly.
Our youngest child graduates from high school this May, in seven weeks, so thoughts of being “empty nesters” has crossed my mind a time or two. (Our daughter will be living at home a bit longer but she will be a grown woman without needing us to watch over her quite as much.) I started having those thoughts two years ago when my third child graduated high school and headed off to a big university. My husband and I have become lost in our day to day lives, leaving little time or thought to spend on each other.
We used to do couples retreats and couples Bible studies, really working on keeping our relationship centered on God and strong. Somewhere along the way, after our twenty-fifth anniversary vow renewal and “honeymoon” trip, we let all of that grow less and less. We would have a dinner date or two here and there. Maybe one night in a local hotel once a year. Then, that stopped, too. It became a short lunch date sometimes with our teen and sometimes without. Not really a date.
When I think about it for a minute it is easy to see how it happened. In the last eleven years, that is how long it has been since our silver wedding anniversary, a LOT has happened. If you have read about our mission adventures, you know that starting in 2010 we began mission training that would take us into the next three years seeking how God would use us cross-culturally in another country. And how that door closed shortly after an amazing trip to Kenya one summer.
We changed our focus and I began teaching preschool again. I threw myself into that with everything I had. I tend to do that. All or nothing, as they say. He joined me in my preschool as a teacher’s assistant for a few years before going to work part time and then starting his own lawn business. Our first grandchild was born in 2014 and it has been busy ever since, filled with our adult kids, our high school kids and our grand kids, plus our work. If you don’t INTENTIONALLY make time for your spouse, there will be no time. Since my WORD for this year is INTENTIONAL, my marriage is one of the areas I am applying that word.
TODAY is our thirty-sixth wedding anniversary! WOW! That is rare in today’s world. We made a commitment, twice, to stick together through thick and thin, highs and lows, no matter what. Has it been a walk in the park? Not by a long shot. We are both human beings that fall short daily. Love is a CHOICE. Hear me, a choice. We CHOOSE daily to love each other despite our short comings and disagreements. But we ALSO choose to treat each other with respect and care for each other in the midst of those, too. We help each other out when we can. We support each other’s dreams and goals.
I could have easily just booked a local hotel, again, and gone to a movie or out to eat for the weekend. That sounded so boring and repetitive. I wanted to do something SPECIAL to show him HE was still important to me and that HE is my today and tomorrow. WE have the rest of our lives to live together and I want to build some amazing memories WITH him alone.
YES, I still want and will do family trips and fun things. I’m in no way saying I’m going to stop those. NO WAY!!! My kids and grandkids are SUPER high on my important list. But my man needs to be at the TOP only second to my relationship with my Savior. Our relationship has to be strong to hold our family together.
I want to encourage you to put effort into any and every relationship that is important to you. That doesn’t mean you have to go on long trips or spend a ton of money. We found a lovely cabin that was cheaper than most but ended up being one of the prettiest places we have ever been. It was a short three hour drive. We set aside the time and did it.
I can tell you that it really helped us reconnect after months of coming and going and barely having time to sit down and enjoy each other’s company.
After being married for thirty-six years, it’s EASY to fall into a rut and lose track of each other. We have been parents for thirty-two of those years and became grandparents almost five years ago. To say that our lives are full to over flowing would put it quite mildly.
Our youngest child graduates from high school this May, in seven weeks, so thoughts of being “empty nesters” has crossed my mind a time or two. (Our daughter will be living at home a bit longer but she will be a grown woman without needing us to watch over her quite as much.) I started having those thoughts two years ago when my third child graduated high school and headed off to a big university. My husband and I have become lost in our day to day lives, leaving little time or thought to spend on each other.
We used to do couples retreats and couples Bible studies, really working on keeping our relationship centered on God and strong. Somewhere along the way, after our twenty-fifth anniversary vow renewal and “honeymoon” trip, we let all of that grow less and less. We would have a dinner date or two here and there. Maybe one night in a local hotel once a year. Then, that stopped, too. It became a short lunch date sometimes with our teen and sometimes without. Not really a date.
When I think about it for a minute it is easy to see how it happened. In the last eleven years, that is how long it has been since our silver wedding anniversary, a LOT has happened. If you have read about our mission adventures, you know that starting in 2010 we began mission training that would take us into the next three years seeking how God would use us cross-culturally in another country. And how that door closed shortly after an amazing trip to Kenya one summer.
We changed our focus and I began teaching preschool again. I threw myself into that with everything I had. I tend to do that. All or nothing, as they say. He joined me in my preschool as a teacher’s assistant for a few years before going to work part time and then starting his own lawn business. Our first grandchild was born in 2014 and it has been busy ever since, filled with our adult kids, our high school kids and our grand kids, plus our work. If you don’t INTENTIONALLY make time for your spouse, there will be no time. Since my WORD for this year is INTENTIONAL, my marriage is one of the areas I am applying that word.
TODAY is our thirty-sixth wedding anniversary! WOW! That is rare in today’s world. We made a commitment, twice, to stick together through thick and thin, highs and lows, no matter what. Has it been a walk in the park? Not by a long shot. We are both human beings that fall short daily. Love is a CHOICE. Hear me, a choice. We CHOOSE daily to love each other despite our short comings and disagreements. But we ALSO choose to treat each other with respect and care for each other in the midst of those, too. We help each other out when we can. We support each other’s dreams and goals.
I could have easily just booked a local hotel, again, and gone to a movie or out to eat for the weekend. That sounded so boring and repetitive. I wanted to do something SPECIAL to show him HE was still important to me and that HE is my today and tomorrow. WE have the rest of our lives to live together and I want to build some amazing memories WITH him alone.
YES, I still want and will do family trips and fun things. I’m in no way saying I’m going to stop those. NO WAY!!! My kids and grandkids are SUPER high on my important list. But my man needs to be at the TOP only second to my relationship with my Savior. Our relationship has to be strong to hold our family together.
I want to encourage you to put effort into any and every relationship that is important to you. That doesn’t mean you have to go on long trips or spend a ton of money. We found a lovely cabin that was cheaper than most but ended up being one of the prettiest places we have ever been. It was a short three hour drive. We set aside the time and did it.
I can tell you that it really helped us reconnect after months of coming and going and barely having time to sit down and enjoy each other’s company.
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